Current

It has been relatively quiet on the WD front lately. Not much seems to happen, although I am still in contact with WD folks. There may be some simmering under the surface, and I am wondering if the "shakedown" is still in my future, of if it won't happen for me in that way.

This still comes up for me...

Aligned with other approaches
There seems to be little or nothing new or unique in the overall view and terminology used in Waking Down. It is aligned with what I have found in many other approaches.

The transmission aspect is also nothing new. For any group of people who share an intention, orientation or practice, an atmoshpere is created which deepens the experience of the participants and allows new people to absorb it quicker. It is like pushing a canoe into a river, and then allowing the river to transport you.

Particular Shift
What is different is possibly the particular shift which does seem to...

• Open up a channel to the absolute. Allowing for a direct experience of the nature of mind, the spacious awareness beyond/independent of all polarities and phenomena. The "ground of being".
  
• Weave the absolute and relative togheter on a fine level, and in particular the body/mind.
  
• Open for a sense of no separation, a sense of intimacy with and richness of all phenomena, while also being very much grounded in this body/personality.
  

This is a form of awakening, although a faint shadow - or a small taste - of full awakening. It is Enlightenment in minitature, in a certain way.

Integral Practice
It seems that Waking Down would fit nicely in as a component in a more comprehensive integral practice. A more neutral terminology would allow this to happen more easily.

Some other componenets that may work well with Waking Down:

1. Nutrition, sleep and excercise - taking care of the body aspects.
2. Yoga, Breema, Tai Chi, etc. - to bring awareness into the energetic aspects.
3. Process Work, for allowing surprising insights and therapy.
4. Meditation, to allow the mind and insights to deepen and clarify.
5. Big Mind, to clarify the view and larger context, and possibly help with the terminology.
6. Integral (AQAL) model, to help with the framework and terminology.

Limiting

I have heard from several in the WD community that they have trouble with (a) getting more people involved and (b) getting enough money.

Both of those problems may be connected to their approach rather than inherent in the WD process. Presenting something as exclusive - as special - will naturally exclude people. And talking about it weird and hyped terminology, as they do, will tend to do the same.

What I have seen of the WD process so far can be described in very simple and everyday terms, in ways that people immediately understand.

• Transmission >> Group Atmosphere
  If we drop the weird and exotic sounding terminology, what is left is just what we all know from everyday experience. When a group of people with shared intentions get together (even if it is mainly over phone), it creates an atmosphere. And this atmosphere supports each participants in maturing into whatever the group is focused on. We experience this in everything from sports teams to knitting groups. In WD, this atmosphere initiates a particular maturation process which leads to a shift.
  
  
• Second Birth >> Shift
  Again, removing the weird terminology, we see that it is just a shift - as so many other shifts we experience as human beings. This shift is a deepening connection between mind/body, and leads to a deepening sense of vibrancy, intimacy, and of the absolute and relative and the relationship between the two. And this shift, as other shifts, initiates a process.
  
  
• Clarification
  It leads to a clarification of the nature of awareness/mind/consciousness. We experience awareness as distinct from its content, and the relationship between the two. Which in turn leads to...
  
  
• Shakedown >> Realignment
  Any shift and new insight leads to reorganization and realignment, and so also with this shift. The rest of the personality realigns with this new way of perceiving the world. What is not aligned comes to the surface and awareness. And as with any realignment process, it takes time and can at times be difficult and painful.
  

There is nothing inherently special in this process. It is something that we all can relate to from our own everyday experience, if it is talked about in everyday language.

Second Birth

I experienced the second birth as a gentle shift. One that opened a continous stream that has a sense of timelessness and of a sense of vibrancy and intimacy in myself and the surroundings. It seems to be a small channel that opened to God (the absolute or close to it) and being present.

I also see how I can aid in transmitting it to others - or help them open up for it. It is a processe similar to healing. Connecting with it directly, and help myself and the other open up for it - get out of our own way. I asked Jen if it was OK if I did it with her, and she is open for it.

Quick Explanation

A way of talking about Waking Down...

Integral Framework
It is an framework that helps people cover the up, down and mutuality work. A support for people who are doing any other practice already, as long as it is compatible with deepening transdual awareness and deepening embodyment.

Process
The Waking Down process is different for everyone, and is initiated and deepened through connection with others in the process. As with any other group of people engaged in the same practice, an atmosphere emerges that is absorbed by everyone involved. This initates and deepens the process. A certain amount of receptivity helps it to deepen.

This is far from any accurate or comprehensive explanation, but may help people get a sense of some of the key aspects of the process.

Science

Waking Down has the potential of being an endevour that uses truly scientific principles. Honest exploration, data before theory/model, etc.

One way to do this is to integrate it/map it onto Ken Wilber's AQAL model. Another is to use a more neutral and/or inclusive terminology.

Marketing

Ways to market Waking Down...

Target group
Those who are ready for it, who have been through or are in the "rot". People who have given up trying to "fix" themselves, who realize that they can never find total fulfillment in life. People who know that we cannot find complete fullfilment through trying to change ourselves. That there is always a sense of something missing. People who are ready for full surrender. For melting into all of themselves, all of their experiences, and find the wholness in it.

Slogans
Have you given up trying to fix yourself? Are you ready to surrender into your own being?

Inclusitivity

I have a strong wish to see Waking Down far more inclusive.

Here are some ways...

• Money
  The current flat fees serve as barriers. Instead of flat fees, use sliding scales for sessions and events. The upper end of the scale can be very high, and people encouraged to pay at the high end if at all possible. Also remind people that if they found it rewarding, then please pay so others can experience something similar in the future. There are many people out there with significant amounts of money who are more than happy to support something they find valuable and believe in - in most cases enough to balance out the several who will pay at the lower end. This will also prevent possible resentment (from those who felt they were forced to pay more than they can afford, or more than what they at the end felt it was worth for them).
  
  
• Terminology
  Use more neutral basic terminology, and include terminology from several different traditions that all point to the same/similar phenomenon. This will help people from different backgrounds orient themselves and feel acknowledged. Using for instance Ken Wilber's maps and insights will help with this process (and the next point).
  
  
• Assumptions
  Use a map of where people may come from, and teachings that acknolwedge the wide span in people's experiences and background. This will help people feel seen.
  
  
• Part of an Integral Practice
  Emphasize that Waking Down is a support for whatever other practices the individuals are currently engaged in. A support for grounding and integration. In addition, it can be the main practice for some, although with support from other elements (yoga, counselling etc).
  

Terminology

If WD is one component in a more comprehensive and integral system of practice/support, then a different terminology may help it fit better in with other components.

• The Rot >> Letting Go
  Related terms: Dark night of the soul/being. Opening up for grace. Letting go of hope.
  Letting go of ideas born from a dualistic/fragmented worldview, that we can "fix" ourselves. Opening for grace, the mystery. "If enlightenment is an accident, then [practice] makes us accident prone."
  
  
• 2nd Birth >> The Shift
  Coming to the body. Allowing the process to take hold, to work on the body on a cellular level, weaving together the relative and absolute.
  
  
• Wakedown/Shakedown >> Adjustment. Reorientation.
  Reorientation to a new way of relating to the world, a new way of being. Adjustment on all levels.
  Allowing the parts born from a different way of being to reorient to a new way of being.
  
  
• Core Wound >> Core Polarity, Basic Polarity.
  
  

Role of WD in an Integral System

From I was first exposed to Waking Down last spring, I have described it in a way that maybe more reflects my own impression of what it can be than what it currently is.

What it can be...

• A framework that anyone from any tradition can use to help with grounding and integration, through down work and mutuality.
  
  
• A support for people indepedent of their current practices.
  
  
• One component in an integral practice that includes...
  (a) Meditation
  (b) Bodyoriented practice (yoga, tai chi, chi gong, breema, etc)
  (c) Physical excercise (aerobic, strength etc)
  (d) Diet
  (e) Mind training (lo jong, R. Cushinr's approach, etc)
  (f) Counselling, therapy
  (g) Interpersonal (NVC etc)
  (h) Social/ecological engagement
  
  Of course, as with any integral practice system, the separate practices need to be mostly mutually consistent/aligned. For instance, it will be difficult to engage in WD while also engage in a mediation practice that is fundamentally escapist.
  

And to move more in this direction, WD may need...

• A more neutral/precise terminology
  
  
• Modifying the way they sometimes refer to other traditions (more accurate and respectful)
  
  
• A further developed map of where people are coming from, and paths/tools suited to each category. Some broad categories: (a) Spiritual seekers. (b) Integration/grounding seekers. (c) Those with little background from anything spiritual. (i) Those aligned and experienced with integration/transdual views/approaches. (ii) Those from a more dualistic background/fragmented views.
  

2nd Birth 4

I have heard several WD folks talk about how they experienced "consciousness" moving from being behind them to right up front/intimate after the 2nd birth. I could not relate to it at the time, except from myself experiencing "consciousness" as right here and intimate.

Earlier today, I remembered that for several years after my own awakening/opening, I did experience my awareness center as "behind" me, in the background. It bothered me, and I remember bringing the experience into awareness to allow it to unfold and become "right here" and intimate. And it did at some point, although I am not quite sure when it happened. It may have been slow enough so I did not notice.

If this is the case, then one part of the 2nd birth may have occured before I encountered Waking Down last spring. The sense of vibrancy and of no separation while being solid in my body came after during the summer and fall. Since I encountered WD and Breema at about the same time, I am not sure which effects to attribute to what...

2nd Birth 3

More experiences/reflections around the 2nd birth...

• For me, it was a gentle shift more than anything else, one that brought a sense of vibrancy and intimacy, of no separation while being body/myself, and of changes on a cellular level that weaves together the relative and absolute (body/consiousness).
  
  
• It seems, maybe more than anything else, to be a support in being in/being body, in being present, in being intimate with the situation. A support that is compatible with any spiritual practice (as long as the practice is compatible with embodyment/integration).
  
  
• I also realize that coming into it with less experience with integration/shadow-work etc. it can be a far more dramatic experience which requires a lot of adjustment and processing (reorientation to a different way of being).
  
  
• And I realize that it seems to be the first phase/step of a long process - of bringing areas into awareness that needs healing, of deepening my experience with the relative and absolute, and the relationship between the two (expressions of the same).
  

Teachers

Saniel was a student of Adi Da for many years, and I looked up Adi Da for the first time today.

According to Ken Wilber, Adi Da's teachings are among the most profound in modern times. At the same time, Adi Da has issues and blindspots on a personal level that leads to meltdowns and controversies. It seems to be the old Guru Disease, where the realized person is not willing to admit to the hang-ups and unresolved issues we all have. And when these come out, they are seen as "crazy wisdom" and teachings...

There is obviously a time/place for genuine crazy wisdom, but selectively (not habitually and for large groups of people). Today, and in the west, it seems more appropriate to emphasize ethical relationships, respect, and especially honesty about personal hangups.

In the case of the Guru Disease, there may be an abstract idea of "perfection" that both the teacher and the students cling to, so when hangups come out they are seen as "enlightened teachings". And there must be a poor understanding of the fact that realization does not automatically heal all the issues we all have on a personal level (especially emotional).

It is interesting to see that Adi Da and Saniel both renounced the tradition they practiced in, see themselves as "self-realized", and both present their teachings as independent of other traditions... (a little blindspot there?). Saniel is obviously reacting to many of the problems in Adi Da's approach, both in a healthy way (emphasizing down work and mutuality) and unhealthy ways (reactive, as outlined earlier).

Differences

There are some differences and similarities between Waking Down and other approaches...

• Similarities
  The intention of Waking Down is similar to that of many other traditions: awakening and embodyment/grounding/integration.
  
  
• Difference
  There is a difference in the almost cellular changes that happen in Waking Down - almost effortlessly and just by "stepping into the WD stream" (and again, it seems besides the point to put others down for not having this, it is not for lack of wanting/trying).
  

This experience, of the difference being (a) the stepping into the stream quality, and (b) the cellular change (detailed work weaving together the relative and absolute), is similar to my experience during the first weekend in Portland last spring.

Shakedown?

Another area that needs healing, and this may be connected to the "shakedown"...

A sense of profound exhaustion that I have pushed aside in the past. I am not sure where it is comming from, but seems to have started early in childhood (at least by school age), and has to do with not relaxing into the body/being.

I have often been fighting the exhaustion, instead of allowing myself to relax into it. And give it an opportunity to heal through letting go of resistance and allowing it to be more fully experienced.

2nd Birth 2

The descriptions earlier are in a way accurate, but I have thought of how to describe it in a way that is more close to my own experience and with my own words. Here is an attempt...

• I still experience mind as luminous, clear, spacious, beyond dualities (the ground/absolute)
• The second birth phenomena seems to be more related to the relative. It seems like a fine and detailed work in the cells, bringing my awareness closer into the body. There is a sense of smoothness, warmth, sensual vibrancy, aliveness - very close to my awareness. Something coming from/in/being my body and surroundings. A sense of intimacy, of no separation while still being very much myself. It is in the realm of the relative, but finely weaving the absolute and relative closer together.
  

The difference to my previous experiences may be...

Previously, I experienced the mind (the clear, luminous ground) as transforming body. All the cells were light, "refined", brought closer to the absolute. In a way, it was a "hijacking" of the body into light, transparency. There was an embodyment and integration, in a particuar way.

This is different. Mind is mind and body is body, but there is a transformation taking place that weaves the two togheter in a very fine and detailed way. It allows the body to just be body, while weaving the relative and the absolute finely together. It is a different embodyment and integration.

Process

As far as I understand, a typical process is rot > second birth > shakedown. It seems that I went through a similar process in my teens: rot (profound isolation and nothing to hold onto) > transdual awakening/opening > reconfiguration (felt that I was taken apart and put together in a new way, aligned with the new way of being).

My second birth (if that is what it is), was a "soft landing"... No or little rot, no or little shakedown. I may have gone through much of the rot and shakedown already, although I know there are many more layers that needs to be aligned and worked through (and come to think of it, my time in Wisconsin may qualify as a rot).

2nd Birth

After the experience (with Sean) in the fall, I felt a shift. For several days, there was a strong experience of consiousness in me and my surroundings, of everything coming alive. It was a bubble that travelled with me as I moved around. The strength of the experience wore off, but what was left was...

• A sense of consiousness as timeless, right here now, being my body and surroundings, and vibrant and alive
• Intimacy with myself and my surroundings, a sense of no separation while being very much myself
• A deep sense of grounding and integration - of consciousness and body merging in every cell in my body
• A deep sense of relaxation, that it allows me to relax and merge into myself and my surroundings, again while being very much my self and independent
• That it seems "permanent", there is no sense that it will go away
  

This may be the 2nd birth they talk about. One the one hand, there are no bells and whistles, it seems very ordinary. On the other hand, it is also extraordinary.

Concerns & Alternatives

Hi [Waking Down teacher],

Good to hear from you as well...! Here are some thoughts for now - reflecting my own experience (which is based on my own history, hang-ups etc. and nothing "absolute"). I know that some of my concerns have been addressed already such as "core wound".

Terminology

My main concern is overdramatization. It seems that some terms used in Waking Down are more dramatic than they need to be, and thus bring attention to themselves rather than the processes they point to. I would be more comfortable with a terminology that is more neutral and bring less attention to itself. Ironically enough, this would be a terminology that I experience as more grounded...!

Examples:

• Core wound
  This term seems to indicate something that was healthy, now is "wounded", and can be healed, instead of pointing to a polarity that is just a part of human existence. Core mystery is a term that I am more comfortable with.
  
  
• Hypermasculinity
  This term seems a little charged and judgmental to me. It is also somewhat impresise or vague. I am not sure if I understand well what is meant by hypermasculinity, so my alternative here may be a little off. I would be more comfortable with something like "blind duality" (this term may be seen as a little judgmental as well!). Blind duality points to a fragmented and alienating worldview, where we identify with one part of existence (the good or ideal) and try to change the rest to conform, instead of just relaxing into it and transforming our relationship with it.
  
  
• The Rot
  I am more OK with this one, although the phrase "dark night of the being" hits home better for me.
  
  

My other concerns may have more to do with Saniel's particular approach. I have not seen this so much in other Waking Down folks.

Overgeneralizations

I have some concerns when someone puts other traditions down, or take aspects of some traditions and generalize to all traditions. If we are truly comfortable with our own path and realizations, this does not seem necessary. Instead, it is possible to just point to the processes that (from the WD perspective) are counterproductive, without identifying them with particular traditions (people will know what you are talking about anyway). Treat other traditions with appreciation and respect, and you are less likely to put people off and more likely to establish a good relationship with them and find mutual appreciation and respect. Where is the mutuality in habitually putting other traditions down?

People's Backgrounds

I feel that the teachings/materials are aimed at people with a particular background (mainly "spiritual seekers" who has been involved with specific traditions from India). My background is somewhat different in several ways, as I have always been seeking grounding and integration (have never been a "spiritual seeker" in the usual sense), and that I have a background in traditions that focus on just grounding and integration - not very different from Waking Down. This brings up an experience for me of not being seen/acknowledged, which can be another obstacle for people new to Waking Down. I know it was/is for me. It may be good to create a "map" that includes a wider range of the possible backgrounds that people may have who come to Waking Down, and then use this map explicitly in the teachings. This will help people appreciate even more the diversity of people attracted to it (and the unique gifts/insights each brings), and help new people feel seen.

This is all that comes up for me now. I'll be happy to have a phone conversation about it as well if that is helpful!

Be well,
Per

Buttons

Some buttons that Saniel's approach to teaching still pushes (although I have more awareness around what is behind it now)...

• Special vs. Ordinary
  Due to my own background (awakening at an early age), I have a strong need to emphasize the ordinariness of spirituality and awakenings. I was so socially isolated at the time, with nobody who could see me, in a sense so "special", that emphasizing the specialness of it brings up that pain again.
  
  
• Being Seen
  This may be the underlying aspect of much of this. I feel that the general teachings are aimed at people with very different backgrounds from myself. I do not feel seen.
  
  
• Terminology
  The terminology often seems overly dramatic as well as imprecise. The "core wound", to take one example, refers to a central aspect of the human condition: we are both mind (infinite, beyond all dualities) and body (limited physical body). The term "wound" seems to imply something that was healthy, then got wounded, and can be healed. But the polarity of mind-body, infinite and finite, timeless and time specific, is just part of the human existence. There is nothing wrong with it. It just is, and it is one of the main engines for awakening awareness for us.

Healing

I sense that some of the following areas can find some healing through the Waking Down process.

1. Awakening
   When I had my opening/awakening in my teens, I was not able to integrate and ground it fully. Partly due to a personality that was not well developed and integrated at the time, and partly due to (for a while) not finding others who understood and could guide. There was a good deal of pain around this.
   
   
2. Special vs. Ordinary
   I have a charge around "specialness" and spiritual practice/awakening. I have habitual patterns where I experience an aversion towards the "special" approach, and am attached to it being "ordinary". This is a need that grew out of my awakening situation, where I experienced myself as profoundly isolated socially and "special". I desperately wanted the awakening to be ordinary socially (commonplace among those I interacted with) and personally (fully integrated and grounded in my life).
   
   
3. Comfort and Integration
   I want to experience a deeper comfort with my awakening and realizations, an increasingly profound integration of it in my life, an increased ease and comfort in living it fully, and increased ease and comfort in communicating it to others.
   
   
4. Arrogance vs. Humility
   I developed arrogance as a way to distance myself from contracted states, as expressed in other human beings (reflecting my own of course). I want to let go of this habit, and open up for genuine curiosity and interest in how Mind and Spirit is expressed in other human beings - whether the states are open or contracted. Along with this goes recognition of projections (what I see in others I recognize in myself), true empathy and humility.

Conversation

I talked with Don Jones this evening, and it opened up much for me in many ways.

I realize that I went through the Rot when I was 16 years old. I experienced a profound sense of separation, meaninglessness and despair. I could go no futher into despair. I had hit the bottom in every way. There was nothing to hold onto anymore. It was profoundly overwhelming. A deep personal crisis. (Combined with this was a mysterious illness that affected me profoundly on a physical level, which I later discovered was due to several severe food allergies)

And it gave birth to my awakening. It was between Christmas and New Years, and I walked down the gravel road to the mail box. It was evening, dark, no snow, a big wind, and stars above. I experienced the wind as going through the whole Universe. There was no separation anymore.

I experiencing God/Spirit/Buddha Mind throughout the whole Universe, in and including everything. There was no separation. There was no separation between the outside and the inside. Even the darkest parts of my personality was God and Spirit, as much as everything else.

And my pain came from not being able to integrate it into my life. Not being able to LIVE it fully as a human being. And it came from not being able to share it with others. Nobody understood. There was no separation, and yet a profound social separation.

Throughout this was a process of being taken apart on all levels (mental, emotional, energetically) and reconfigured in new ways. The old was fragmented, and a new wholeness took form. I also saw auras clearly and picked up what was going on with other people. At the time, I was not able to keep it at a distance, so this was also painful.

My awakening clarified over the next several years, and I was able to integrate it more but still far from where I felt it needed to be. When I came to the Zen center in Utah, I found another opportunity to integrate and ground it, and it was a very healing process.

And another aspect of the Rot... There is a profound knowing in me that there is nothing I can "do" to find Awakening. I just have to relax into my experiences, melt into this aspect of God/Spirit/Buddha Mind. There is only grace... (although I can set a stage for it to happen, to invite it in).

My search is for integration and grounding, not Awakening in itself. I want to deepen my exploration and experience of - and life IN - both poles of the polarity.

Update

It's been a while since I was actively involved with Waking Down, but now experience the urge coming back. It is mostly an impatience combined with a sense of the tremendous value of the Waking Down approach.

I have talked with Sean and Kelly (mentor), and feel more comfortable with some of the aspects that turned me off earlier. Mostly because I see how there is a diversity of approaches among the WD folks including those that speak more to me.

Nothing Special

After talking with Kelly, and also listening to some of Saniel's audio recordings, I realized one of the reasons why I had/have the strong reactions to aspects of Saniel's approach.

I have a strong need for seeing the practice and results as nothing special (everything and everyone is Buddha Mind already, we just need to realize it - and glimpses of the realization is always close at hand). Saniel seems to have a need to emphasize it as special and different.

My need for emphasizing the ordinariness is related to my opening experience. I was profoundly alone in my experience, with no-one around who could relate to it. I was continually reminded that it was "special" and I wanted it to be thoroughly ordinary in every way. Ordinary for me, and grounded in my ordinary life - and if possible, ordinary for those around me.

Both approaches are valid (just emphasizing one or the other end of the polarity which the phenomenon itself goes beyond), and speaks to different people and even the same person at different times. They are complimentary approaches.

Further Concerns & Dream

I did the Human Sun seminar over the last week. As I sensed from earlier impressions of Waking Down, the intentions/guidelines are about identical with other practices I have been exposed to. Still, there are some differences.

In Zen, we still go through a similar process - the dance of relative and absolute, exploring both ends of the polarity and weaving them together in our lives. The dance between Big Mind and working with the shadow, all in relationships with oneself, others and the larger world.

A difference, it seems, is that in Zen - and especialy the Big Mind work - we work on the shadow and the aspects of ourselves that needs awareness and healing, from Big Mind (transdual view, or at least luminocity/clarity). In Waking Down, there seems to be a more local/narrow perspective at times.

Another difference, and maybe a crucial one, is the emphasis on compassion and emptiness (nothing fixed, nothing separate) in Buddhist practices. Does it come spontaneously in the Waking Down process? It is certainly not emphasized.

Dream

And a dream that I sense is connected to all this.

Jen and I saw a house for sale, and walked in. Nobody where there, but it was open for people to look around. We fell asleep on a mattress in the garage, and the owners came home (large family, teenage kids). We wake up, and in the confusion pretended we were interested in buying. When the owner heard where we lived, he wanted to trade with our house. I was wondering how to get out of it as this house was in an unattractive neighborhood and itself was unattractive - in clear contrast with our house which is beautiful and pleasant (dailight, wood stove, vaulted ceilings, forested neighborhood).

This dream was after a day and evening wondering how wise it is to get into Waking Down, with all my concerns about it (and the prospect of being dragged into a WD wortex) when I already have found practices that I am completely at home with and are remarkably effective (Zen, Big Mind).

New Phase

I talked with Pascale on the phone this afternoon, and found a much easier connection. There is no ambivalence about the communication/connection. Experienced warmth/heat in my heart area. Plan to do a Human Sun seminar with her on the phone.

Much Later

Weeks/months with (a) strong interest, seeing that it is different and extremely valuable, and (b) ambivalence due to how it is presented (disrespectful to other traditions).

Then conversation with Sean, September 27, from 10pm to 4am. Shift in experience ca. 1pm.

• Initially, Sean and me - same person
• Then the field - we/surroundings, one life
• Sense of being lifted/carried by a wave
• Sense of this being something to completely relax into. No effort required. Only willing participation ("falling off a log" type feeling).
  
• Sense of being part of the evolutionary process (next phase for Earth, although has probably happened in other areas of the universe previously)
  
• Sense of this being the "inside" view, while my previous opening experiences was "outside" view (more detatched/intellectual). Previous experiences as seeing a person in a landscape from above, this as being the landscape and the person.
  
• Experience of the whole universe being right here
• Experience of all time being right here (past, present, future, beyond time, this moment)
• The "mutuality" seems to come from the "wave" communicating/exploring its expression through the different people embodying it
• Most seemed very familiar from past opening experiences, but added another dimension to it

Questions

• There was no or little of the spaciousness and clarity from my previous opening experiences. I notice there is a reluctance to let go of this, although I realize that it will be incorporated in the WD process.
  
• It seems much more local and low-energy
  
• 
  

Follow-Up Note, September 2004

After more conversations with Waking-Down folks, and reading more of Saniel Bonder's writings, I am close to give up my connection to this approach. I know the substance is very valuable, and most likely quite different from other traditions. But the packaging it too often difficult for me to deal with.

There is too much of a charge around how it is presented. Saniel seems stuck in his own wounds (as we all are), but also inable to let go of it when he presents his realizations. It is too much a reaction against something, rather than a more impartial offering of an alternative.

And there are too many assumptions about where people are coming from. For me, with a Buddhist background, these assumptions are too frequent, stick out like a sore thumb, and bizarre.

Assumptions of people coming from a background that...

* Is escapist (I am used to approaches that seek full embodiment and full experience of all aspects of the human condition)
* Where people think enlightened people are somehow "perfect" (I am used to approaches where they know very well that enlightenment is the first step of the process and that people are as screwed up before as after)
* Where there are strict "rules" (I am used to gentle guidelines at the most, and a realization that life is far too complex for rules)

In short, it seems like a practice that is a little too immature - not seasoned enough.

Open Letter - Sept. 18 2004

Hi [one of the Waking Down teachers],

After much soul-searching, I have come to the decision that I would like to ask for the $50 back from you that I have not used for a session.

I would like to talk with you about this and give you some feedback about how I have experienced our conversations and the Waking Down work in general, but not if I'll have to pay for it...

For now, I can maybe mention a few things (I always prefer to talk about these things in person, but again - I am not willing to pay for the privilege).

* I see the Waking Down process as immensely valuable and indeed as offering something quite different from other traditions. During and after the weekend with Saniel this summer, I had enough personal experiences to verify that (I experienced how it is a process that comes through every cell in the body, profoundly changes my experience of the world, and seems to rework my body/mind in a very detailed and physical way).

* I have a great deal of respect and admiration for the Waking Down folks I have met. I see a great deal of integrity, openness and explorative attitude.

Still,...

* I experience a lot of difficulties when trying to read Saniel's writings. There seems to be too much of a charge around certain issues, which seem to relate to his own personal wounds. Of course, we all have hang-ups, but he seems unable to let go of it when presenting his realizations. There seems too much of a reaction against something, which takes away from the gold he is offering. I am not sure if I am willing to put up with that wrapping for the indefinite future, no matter how valuable the content is.

* I, ironically, experience a lack of mutuality compared with other traditions I have been involved with. I am used to people checking in with each other about where they are coming from, of checking in to see if assumptions are correct etc. With Saniel, you and Carol, who are the three I have had most experience with, I repeatedly experience that you make strong assumptions and talk/act from those assumptions w/o first checking in to see if they are correct (and leaving little space for me to clear it up at the moment). I could mention many examples, but it may be better in person if we have a chance to talk.

* I have some trouble with what I perceive as bizarre and frequent assumption that Waking Down folks make about other's backgrounds (again mostly from my experiences with Saniel, you and [another teacher]).

I am used to traditions that...
- Seek full embodiment and full experience of every aspect of the human conditions. They may not achieve it in the Waking Down way, but it is at least their intention (Saniel seems to attempt to make it look as if they are not even trying).
- Where enlightenment is seen as the first step, the easiest part of the work. And full embodiment is an continuous/endless process and the real work.
- That are transdual, and all polarities (mind/matter etc) are seen as equal expressions (and equally important and valuable) of that beyond all dualities.
- Where all aspects of our experience are expressions of that beyond dualities and contain/is gold (and to ease fully into all experiences help us gain from that gold).
- Where there are no rules (for behavior or anything else), only gentle guidelines at the most. And where there is the realization that life is far too complex for rules.
- Where there is full accountability between teacher and students, and the teacher is transparent about their own struggles, obscurations and hang-ups in all parts of life.
- Where nothing of what a teacher says is taken for "truth". At the very best it is one person's experience, and everyone has to try it out for themselves and will inevitably experience it in a different way.

Again, it may be that none of these are achieved in the Waking Down way. But the way Saniel often present it, he seems to attempt to make it appear as if they are not even trying (and he takes the most bizarre examples and talks about it as if it represents all traditions). It seems possible to say "I know that these intentions are found in many other traditions, but the Waking Down experience and expression of it is different. I am not going to try to verbally convince you, but please try it for yourself".

I must admit that if this more respectful and accurate approach (when comparing Waking Down with other traditions) was more prevalent, I would not hesitate with throwing myself into the Waking Down work. For now, that is the main issue that is holding me back. A lack of respect for other traditions seems to reflect a lack of comfort with one's own realizations...
That's it for now. Hope this has been useful feedback and that it can be used to improve the "marketing" aspect of Waking Down in the future.

Take care,
Per

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Extra - September 2004

I still have no doubt that the substance of Waking Down is very valuable, and would be so for me too, but there are so many surface obstacles for me that I wonder if I will ever get to it. There seems to be so much "extra" in how it is presented. Either a charge around it, imbalance, or overdramatization.

One example is what they call the core wound. As far as I understand, it is one aspect of the dance between the absolute and relative: We are finite animals, and also beyond dualities.

For me, this is the basic human condition. It is what I experience over and over, in always deepening and new ways, through sitting meditation, Breema and everyday life. It is what Buddhism, and Koans in particular, are all about. The dance between the relative and absolute. We, and the rest of Existence, express both. It can be no other way.

It does create a tension, and it is terrible and wonderful at the same time. It stimulates awareness and aliveness. It gives richness and juice to life.

To call it a "wound" seems to imply that we somehow are "wounded". Is seems to compare our condition to some abstract/dualistic/onesided state. It overdramatizes the basic human condition and the basic characteristics of Existence: beyond and embracing all dualities. It is "extra".

Hypermasculinity is another term that seems to carry additional baggage beyond what it is meant to refer to. It has a derogatory connotation, not supporting relationships to people from other traditions. Also, it seems to imply that masculinity in itself is suspicious, while I assume it is questioning (a) a lack of balance between masculine and feminine qualities, and/or (b) unhealthy expressions of masculinity.

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Strategy

No matter how valuable the content in Waking Down is, I again and again find myself put off by their teaching strategies. One of which seems to be to put others down to elevate themselves. It seems a profoundly flawed strategy as it...
(a) Puts people off.
(b) Is absolutely unnecessary and "extra". It is possible to explain what you are about, and even differentiate, w/out putting others down.
(c) Is easily perceived as an expression of insecurity. Of not being comfortable with ones own realizations.
(d) Is "tribal" in that it sets up an us vs. them dynamic, both in perception and thus in real-life relationships with people from other traditions. It is difficult to see how this supports either the relationships or the maturation process of any individual.


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Differentiation

It is not difficult to differentiate w/o alienate. One of the basic principles of good communication is to describe someone else's experiences and approach in a way that they themselves would agree with or at least feel comfortable with.

In Waking Down, the "putting down" component seems strong enough to prevent a high quality dialogue with people using different approaches. It seems "blind" in that area...

And, as mentioned above, it seems to reflect either blind spots and/or lack of comfort with own path/realizations... (which are basically one and the same).

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Other Aspects

In reflecting more on this, and talking to more people, there is still much ambivalence here for me. More concerns...

• Everyone has hangups. With Saniel, there seems to be a hardness and blindness around it (from the little I saw of him at the weekend in Portland). With Zen teachers I know, there are still hangups, but more of a softness, willingness to fully acknowledge it, and a transparency around it.
  
• Again, with Zen teachers, there seems to be a stronger and more sincere encouragement to not believe what they say, but try it for oneself. I know this is emphasized in Waking Down as well, but there seemed to be a charge around it (at least when Saniel talked about it).
  
• There is so much talk about how Waking Down is different from all other traditions. I fully acknowledge that the experience may be quite different, but there is often not even an acknowledgement that the intention/direction/wording may be similar. For instance: I often hear that the "core wound" is unique to Waking Down. But - from what I have read about it and hear from WD people - it seems to be what is the (often conscious and expressed) essence of anyone's motivation for any spiritual practice, and it certainly is a strong experience for me in everyday life, and even more so in my sitting practice. Also, even in my Process Work class, there was a strong emphasis on what WD calls the core wound (to the point of using the same terminology). It is just a part of the human condition, expressed and acknowledged in many traditions...
  
• The terminology seems to be far more charged (overdramatizes, either in "positive" direction or "negative" direction) than in more seasoned traditions such as Buddhism. This seems like "extra" and a distraction.
  
• If I go into this process, do I really have to interact with these people? I feel very comfortable with Zen and Breema students, but less so with WD people (mostly because of the charge and their need to emphasize how different it is from other approaches)... It just seems more immature.
  
• Since it is from a more Indian tradition, is it fully trans-dual to the extent that Buddhism is? Do they truly experience everything, including the mind/body, as beyond all dualities (including existence/no-existence).

Following workshop

Following days: Continued sense of hope, especially when waking up in the morning.

Following weeks: Heart more open, compassion.

Waking Down Workshop

Following Friday shamanic healing evening: As I was falling asleep, saw (for my inner eye) a bright white light in my heart region. Did some very detailed/specific work there, on a cellular level.

Sunday morning: Woke up with a sense of hope that I have not experienced for a long time.